'Don't Touch Me' - By Arteria Stevens - Excerpt

Don't Touch Me

Synopsis: "Don't Touch Me Volume I" represents Tweety's protective wall built all around her as a result of her emotional pain. Tweety was brought up in a Black Holiness Church and raised in the projects of Atlanta, Georgia. Wounded throughout her childhood by sexual abuse, depression, low self-esteem, and a need to please... In her memoir, Tweety embarks on a journey of that is both painful and heartwarming; she learned that facing the pain has allowed her to heal. You will laugh and cry as you read through the pages of this intriguing memoir.

INTRODUCTION
I was just sitting and pondering over my life and it dawned on me: I am the mother, wife, and woman that I am; divergent from the child I was raised to be.
 
Growing up in the projects in Atlanta, Georgia, I am the child
who smiled in the mirror again and again, but never saw the face of
beauty staring back at me. Brought up in a black holiness church,
I am the child who couldn’t comprehend molestation at the age of
nine when it happened to me. I am the girl who longed so deeply
for my father to just be Daddy all the time and never evolve into
the stranger he became at night during my eighth grade school year.
That transfigured the way I saw him forever. I am the anguishing
child who faced distressing hindrances again and again. I am the
child who got married at seventeen bolstering along all my baggage
of the past. I am the child who gave birth to a child.
I am the demoralized child who grew up to be the depressed
adult. I am the child gravid with low self esteem dragging it along
into my adult life. I am the emotionally mutilated adult.
I am the child who can tell it all now because of all the lessons I
learned growing up as that child.
As an adult, I needed to understand why things happened to me.
I’m forty-two now and finally healing. In the end, everyone will
know how I finally stumbled on to my healing roads.
I don’t need to pretend I’m perfect. I don’t need to be
afraid to reveal intimate details of my life. Life is a lesson and there’s
nothing embarrassing about life’s lessons.

CHAPTER ONE
“GRANDADDY”
In 1971, when we moved to Taliaferro Street on the west side of
Atlanta, I thought Eagan Homes Projects was a delightful place to
live. I was starting pre-school that year. Despite what I am about to
reveal, we had an array of blitheful days in our childhood. I spent
a lot of time outside playing with friends. I spent just as much time
uproaring indoors with my family. I had a brother eleven months
older than me, a baby sister, and of course there was Mama and
Daddy.
In 1976 we started attending church with Daddy’s cousin who
was also his best friend. His best friend was now a transformed man
having found God. He was no longer drinking and hanging out. As
time went on, the more we went to church, the more we began to
evolve. Daddy stopped drinking, smoking and hanging out at night.
I still hung around my friends when I was home but our beliefs were
changing so much.
Before Daddy joined the church, he didn’t go around his own
daddy because for some reason he was angry with him. He learned to
forgive over time, and one day we all went over to visit Granddaddy
and my step grandmamma. They were amusing and very affectionate.
They overindulged us with goodies and made us laugh all the time.
We enjoyed going to their house to see all the chickens and hens
they had in their back yard. They let us help feed them. They also
had lots of dogs in the backyard as well. Granddaddy had a wooden
leg and he walked with a limp. I never knew what happened to his
real leg. Granddaddy and Grandmamma always gave us money and
goodies whenever we visited them. I was glad Uncle Lynn, who we
refer to now as Pastor Nichols, talked Daddy into making amends
DON’T TOUCH ME
2
with his father. Daddy had often referred to his daddy as low down
and dirty. I never knew why and as a child, I never asked Daddy
questions about Granddaddy. Daddy and Granddaddy were finally
behaving like a father and son.
I liked listening to Granddaddy and Grandmamma talk. They
were both hilarious. I wondered if this was why Daddy was so comical.
Granddaddy was always picking me up and sitting me in his lap,
giving me the tightest squeezes and kissing me smack on the lips.
Daddy and Mama kissed us on the lips every night at bedtime followed
by “I love you” and “Say your Prayers.” No wonder Daddy
was so affectionate; his whole family was like him, I thought while
reflecting back on Granddaddy.
Granddaddy asked for more hugs and kisses than anybody I’d
ever seen. I guessed he was making up for lost time with his grandchildren.
He was always so elated.
As I sat on Granddaddy’s lap he shared funny adventures and
spoiled us with Coca Cola and candy. Instead of sitting my brother
Scootie in his lap, he gave him tight hugs. Scootie was ten and my
little sister Sonia was five.
For the first time, Daddy and Mama left us to spend the day with
Granddaddy early one Sunday morning. He cooked us breakfast
consisting of lumpy grits, runny eggs, and toast, which I didn’t like.
Instead, I settled for a glass of Coca Cola in exchange for helping
him clean the dishes and fixing Grandmamma’s medicine. Grandmamma,
who had been sick all week, was too sick to get out of
the bed. I took her a tray of soup with crackers. She didn’t seem
interested in eating anything but she thanked me for being her big
girl and taking care of her. She didn’t sound anything like the jovial
voice I found so intriguing. She seemed frail as she coughed up
every word she spoke. I rushed over to her with a glass of water.
She took two small sips before passing the glass back to me and collapsing
back on the pillow in a feeble state. She didn’t answer me
anymore when I asked her if she was okay. Granddaddy came in and
assured me she’d be fine once she got a couple days of rest. He said
Grandmamma had pneumonia, but he assured me that she would
be alright. He closed her door tightly so she wouldn’t be disturbed
CHAPTER ONE
3
before we walked back to the front of the house in the living room.
Scootie and Sonia were sitting on the floor playing with all the
toys Granddaddy had surprised us with earlier. Granddaddy pulled
out a new coloring book and crayons for me as he sat me on his lap,
and helped me color. He kept shifting me on his lap stating that his
leg was falling asleep. I compliantly continued to color and allow
him to shift me around on his lap.
Granddaddy sat patiently answering all of our questions and entertaining
us with funny stories for a couple of hours while holding
me on his lap. I was surprised Sonia didn’t climb up on his lap. She
wouldn’t have let me sit on Daddy’s lap for long. She made a big
fuss about being Daddy’s baby. Daddy told me I was his big girl, so
I didn’t mind letting her be his baby.
Eventually, Sonia tired of all the toys and climbed up on Granddaddy’s
lap as well. I started climbing down, but Granddaddy announced
he could hold both of his grandbabies. Sonia and I laughed,
and then Granddaddy asked her to color him a pretty picture like
the one I colored so he could hang it up on his wall. Sonia wanted
him to help her the way he helped me. I ended up standing innocently
between Granddaddy’s legs so he could use both of his
hands to help Sonia hold the coloring book. I even joined in and
helped Sonia with her picture while telling her how pretty it looked.
Once we were finished we asked Granddaddy if we could go feed
the chickens in the backyard. Granddaddy said yes. He rarely said
no to us about anything. We were running out the door to go around
to the backyard. I was the last to head out the door. Granddaddy
beckoned me back in the house before I could catch up with my
siblings.
We hadn’t seen Grandmamma up all day because she was still in
bed sick and running a high fever.
“Tweety, you want a green apple?” Granddaddy discreetly whispered
in my ear. I nodded yes.
He put his hand up to his mouth to indicate I had to be quiet.
“You can’t tell Scootie or Sonia because I don’t have but one apple,”
he whispered.
It never occurred to me why he was giving me the apple. Maybe
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4
he wanted to be nice to me since I helped him fix Grandmamma’s
medicine and serve her food earlier. I helped him wash the dishes
as well.
I figured I could eat the apple real fast before going outside to
help Scootie and Sonia feed the chickens. I loved green apples.
Granddaddy knew they were one of my favorite foods.
Granddaddy peered out the door. As I was looking towards the
kitchen, he locked the screen door. I walked in the kitchen expecting
to get my apple. Granddaddy came into the kitchen and sat in a
chair. I turned to look at him wondering why he wasn’t giving me
the apple.
“Where’s my apple Granddaddy?” I asked impatiently.
Granddaddy smiled holding out his arms toward me.
“Well, come here and give Granddaddy a hug first!” he said.
Granddaddy must have been about to thank me for helping him
today. I smiled proudly walking over to hug him. Granddaddy
squeezed me real tight pulling me close. He looked at me smiling.
“Now give yo ole granddaddy a kiss.” I smiled as I leaned forward
to kiss Granddaddy thinking he must’ve been real proud of
how much I helped him out.
Granddaddy grabbed a tighter hold on me when I leaned forward
to kiss him. He had his legs spread. He pulled me between his legs. I
didn’t panic because I didn’t have any inappropriate thoughts about
Granddaddy in my nine year old innocent mind.
Granddaddy was kissing me too long. When I started to back
away in an attempt to break the kiss, he leaned forward and kept
kissing me. He drew me even closer. I felt him pressing me up
against his body parts. I felt his tongue trying to force its way into
my mouth. My eyes were wide open. I couldn’t move my arms.
They were pinned to my sides. I started struggling against Granddaddy’s
mouth.
All at once, Granddaddy was squeezing my backside and sliding
my dress up, pressing and gyrating my body against his. I felt as if
he was swallowing me up. I felt smothered.....

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Interview with Arteria Stevens Author of 'The Healing Roads' and 'Don't Touch Me'

Today we will be visiting with a dynamic lady & fellow writer,  Arteria Stevens. She will be sharing a bit about herself and her awesome book about pain, healing and moving forward.

About Arteria Stevens in her own words:

Arteria has evolved into a very philosophical, passionate, and motivational personality. Life has strengthened her and elevated her mindset.When Arteria embarked on her journey to write her story, she questioned her life in many areas. She decided to begin therapy which opened her mind up to understand and deal with her pain in a healthy way. Throughout her ten years of therapy she has studied, researched, and gained information and wisdom.

This is a difficult subject to discuss and I applaud your bravery and candor in sharing with us today. I hope this message will reach who is intended to see it... believe this was written for a reason.

Where did you get the idea for the novel?

When I initially began writing my books ten years ago, I was in search of healing and closure and I knew that it was necessary for me to face my fears of reliving the pain of molestation in addition to five attempted rapes. Even though my books revolve around my family life in the projects of Atlanta Georgia, and my church life, I decided to be very transparent and hide nothing about my life, so I exposed every skeleton in my closet. I wrote about things I never told a soul. My mother scurried up my stairs after reading my book, “Don’t Touch Me” for the first time and she gave me this look before she even began to speak. “I’m mad at you! Why didn’t you tell anybody all that stuff?....and that boy! I would’ve, oooh! And I used to wonder why you never went outside and I told yo daddy, she don’t never go outside! And ooooh! You had a miserable life!” I looked at my mom and smiled and then I laughed and said, “Mama, I didn’t have a miserable life. I had a good life.” My mother couldn’t see the things that I saw. I can take the good, the bad, and the ugly parts of my life and celebrate everything with triumph because I am stronger today. That miserable life had a lot of laughter and fun filled days built inside of it, and I had far more good days than bad ones. Yes I was molested by various men in my life, and yes I experienced five attempted rapes in addition to the molestation, but my tragedies are now my triumphs because I was able to get out of my sick bed of pain and tell my story and make it tangible for someone else who may be hurting. It was the positive discoveries that led to me writing an accompanying journal, “The Healing Roads Journal.”

Your title. Who came up with it? Did you ever change your title?

Because I changed all the names in my book, initially I was going to name the book after my character, “Tweety,” until I realized how much I used the words, “Don’t Touch Me.” If I was anywhere in public being approached by a flirting man, it wasn’t “Don’t talk to me” that entered my thoughts, it was “Don’t Touch Me.” I realized that those words represented my invisible walls designed to keep harmful men away from me, so I kept that title for my books.

Since becoming a writer, what’s the most exciting thing to ever happen to you?

The most exciting thing that has happened to me since becoming a writer was simply having the ability to see the personal growth and all of the life awakening, and life changing moments that come when you take the time to really examine your life and all that happens in it. There are many lessons built inside of life’s journey if you are willing to invest in yourself with a goal to resolve pain of both the past and present. Having closure in every area of your life is a wonderful gift because it allows you to live freely. No guilt, no shame, no blame, and most of all no anger. Writing has definitely been a gift within itself which is why I will keep writing myself into an even better, wiser me.

Which came first, the title or the novel?

The words began to flow from my heart long before I had any idea about a title. I was drawn to pick up a pen and paper and write my earliest childhood memories. It was as if those memories had been hanging around waiting for me! I guess I had been playing ‘hide and seek’ with myself because I found details that took me far back in my life as two years of age. I shocked my mama when I called her up and told her about the Mayfield Milkman delivering those bottles of milk to our door. I even told her how Daddy would use the empty bottles as water bottles and he would drink right from the bottles. “Well you were just two years old back then. How did you remember that?” I remembered me and my brother having to leave Mama and Daddy to go live with my grandmother when I was three years old. Ironically, I was having a phone conversation with one of my Auntie’s and she mentioned that I told my mother that she was a bad person when I was little. “I wasn’t a bad person!” she protested. “Well Auntie, I didn’t say you were a bad person, I said you used to whip me and my brother with switches everyday just to make us fall to sleep at nap time when I was three years old.” She humbly admitted and apologized to me, but was amazed that I remembered that far back in my childhood. She was just a teenager herself at the time. It wasn’t until I was writing that I was able to recall those memories. I never thought about my early years until I began to question my life which seemed like such a struggle at the time. My inner voice led me to start writing and I am so glad that I listened to what my heart was telling me. Many people, from Oprah Winfrey, to Joel Osteen who has one of the largest churches in the world, echo a lot of the words I put on paper ten years ago in their teaching moments in front of crowds of many. It all serves as confirmation that the books have a needed message not just for me, but for someone else.

What book are you currently reading or what was the last book you read?

Since I started writing my books years ago, I didn’t want to be influenced by anyone or anything but my own heart, so I intentionally closed every book I had, and I have tons of books. I wanted to make sure that my voice and my journey was felt on every page. I knew my story was significant to my growth, so I felt that it was imperative that I shut out every other voice for this voyage. I didn’t know how long it would take or how far I would have to go, but I am still writing. My books “Don’t Touch Me” are a three volume series accompanied by an individual journal for each book entitled, “The Healing Roads Journal.” I’m completing another book that I started writing ten years ago entitled “Life after Death.” This book is about my spiritual journey through severe depression, being healed, and never being depressed again. It includes the story of me going to heaven over ten years after being healed from depression. I share what happened while I was in heaven and what happened when I returned back home. I like all kinds of books from romance, self-help, mystery, and even children’s books. I love reading just as much as I love telling stories. I can entertain children for hours with happy stories from my childhood memories.

At a book signing, do you just sign your name or do you write a note? How do you come up with stuff to say?

My major book launch hasn’t happened yet but I do have plans for a book launching party here in my city of Loganville, Georgia. I did just get my first pre order of books and I autographed and mailed them all with a personal note to those early buyers. Because my books were designed to motivate, encourage, and empower others, I have a typed page of encouraging sentences that I pull from when I sign books, but if it is someone I know well, I speak from my heart like I did with my mom, sister, and daughter.

What do you want others to get out of reading your books?

My main message in all of my books were intended to show others that you can heal, you can move beyond ‘unforgiveness,’ you can become a better person, and you can live a better life. The books tell my stories that will make you both laugh hard and cry hard the same way you would at a good movie, and the journals, are encouraging, motivational, and inspirational. The journals also have a personal journal for every reader to write in, with guided questions and even space to write your own thoughts in order to lead others to their own healing roads.

What advice would you give to others who aspire to write a book someday?

The best advice I could give to anyone who has a desire to write is to first put their words on paper. That’s the first step. Get everything out of you that you feel you want to express, no matter what genre of book you are writing. Don’t worry about the order, or the style…just empty yourself. Once you get everything out of you that you feel you need to express, then congratulations! You are now a writer. Once you take a second look at all that you’ve written you will be able to put a clear order and style together and then you would want to start doing the research online and in the library on self-publishing and how to get an agent, how to write a query letter, rules of writing, costs and pro’s and con’s associated with self-publishing, professional editing, and everything you need to know about what it takes to self-publish. The advantages of having an agent and a major publishing book deal so you can make an informed decision about publishing your book. You will find that the “how to” information about publishing a book is easily accessible with tons of step by step guides. I happen to be self-publishing my book, but self-publishing may not be the best route for someone else.

What was the greatest challenge about writing your story?

The greatest challenge about writing my story was me having to face traumatic events as I relived all of the pain in my past. I was in tune enough with my spirit that I felt guided to pick up the phone and call a therapist and ask for help. As I wrote about my grandfather molesting me at the age of nine, I was remembering details that put me back in that fearful and helpless place. The tears fell fresh and it felt like I was nine again. Since I had already made up in my mind before I had even began to write, that I was not going to run from the pain any more, I decided to work hard on resolving the pain. Therapy proved to be a necessary tool to help me to understand all of the “why’s.” As I went from one event to the next, I didn’t move forward until I had satisfied every answer about that event and felt at peace with it. There were times when I had to pause for months at a time depending on how much work would be required to reach closure. Fear was my greatest enemy but it would always hinder me unless I defeated it, so once I embarked on my journey of writing, there was no turning back for me. Three volumes later and I succeeded! Our true source of power is in both knowing and understanding our history.

How has your story affected others and what are some of your upcoming books?

My story has awakened others to take a closer look at their own lives and begin to self-examine things in their past and present that might help them to reach some higher plateaus in various areas of their lives. Not everyone has a molestation story to tell but the common bond I share with everyone else is that we all have pain. No one is exempt from pain in life but I want others to understand that pain is a necessary part of growth in all of our lives. Our greatest challenge when it comes to pain is understanding, and finding the good in it. The good is always there waiting to be found. In the same way that my mom thought that I had a miserable life, while I believe I had a good life, it is all about perspectives. We have to look for the positive in everything because everything has an opposite. You have to choose to live on the positive side of life, and you have to do it on purpose by going in search of good replacements. It’s the same way God sees us in life. We may see failure but God always sees the capacity for greatness in our failures.

In addition to the titles I have already mentioned, I am writing a book entitled “My Cheating Man,” which is actually an encouragement for married couples who struggle with the issue of infidelity. Marriages can survive infidelity if you are willing to do the work necessary to understand the true root of the problem which lies within each of us individually. Other titles I am working on are “Perfectly Imperfect” and “Pounds of Pain.” Each book is yet another “tell all” about different aspects of my life. I have been blessed with a willingness to be totally transparent but I realize that transparency is not a common thing in many lives.

Learn more about Arteria Stevens and her books here:

The Healing Roads Website

The Healing Roads on Facebook 

Buy Don't Touch Me for Kindle Here 

Buy The Healing Roads Journal for Kindle Here 

***Special note from Arteria....

You can order from Amazon, Kindle and Barnes & Noble, and my books are also available in EBooks on those sites. You can also see inside the books on Amazon. Also, for more information on healing and moving beyond pain of the past and present and for support with a variety of issues from drug abuse, to domestic violence and sexual abuse, you can go to the website and find tons of information. You can also find my blog spot, and toll free support lines. You can also contact me. 

For ongoing updates and events, I welcome you to friend me on Facebook  Author Arteria Stevens on Facebook or  follow me on twitter The Healing Roads on Twitter

I welcome you to find me on LinkedIn under Arteria Stevens.

You can also write me at:

Healing Roads Publishing

PO Box 3220

Loganville, Ga. 30052

Please support this amazing woman, her books and her cause! Share this page & check out her sites peeps!!! And check back tomorrow to read an excerpt of Arterias' book 'Don't Touch Me' followed by an excerpt of her other book 'The Healing Roads Journal'